Lazy to think of title

say... ruined was planned.

Hmm, what can i say.. plans after plans are ruined by my very smart stargirl.. always foiling my plans but still... it did bring her smiles. :) had some great time today and yesterday (though it was short). 21 days and i didnt see her for only 4 of them. haha. glued we have become.

Though my initial plans weren't carried out.. i sure hope you had fun? love ya lots! really wished for the best night this should become.. hope you enjoyed even though it wasnt as *ahem* black as it should have been. but as u said, it's fine as long as you're with me. hehe. thats sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. anyways, just wanted to say... love came to you again today. :)

Anyways, work ytd was really fun. learnt alot from my colleagues and it seems... NYDC is a much better place to work compared to others.. always better to be facing the crowd and anticipating them. still, service orientated jobs suits me best. wa ha ha! hope zoee's gonna work with me. :(

Well, skipped school again today, had no choice, alarm's shut by my violent tempers of getting woken up by it. guess my phone gotta need shields soon. damn.. my laziness is overtaking me soon, i hate school. oh gosh.. this sucks..

*sigh* here i am, at 1am, blogging... wondering what the other's are doing.. noone's online but my darling talking to me.. is this where my loneliness is seen? friends? i may have alot. but how many are actually true? i doubt myself. i doubt my courage. i doubt my everything,

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY AARON!!! 18th BIRTHDAY BITCH! SUCKA!**

Well, i don't have much to blog about.. just wanted to type a huge chunk of stuff out.. thus, here it goes..

Hatred filled the enraging soul of a dying creed.
power was the intended fate and hope it seeks.
nothing seem to matter as long as kishi remains.
to guard protect and endure the concequence.
fight it shall always be doing, fearing nothing at all.
but failure of the king it has brought upon himself.
the princess is dear and safe and saint as intended.
but failed the kingdom kishi have, lost he is now.
nothing should matter as he determined before.
but now he thinks back and notices his mistakes.
without a king and kingdom, what is a knight?
with a princess and love in his life, is that enough?
enough he consoles hismelf, but within, he knows the truth.
but what can he do now? turn back and wail?
will forgivenss wait? or the red eyes or regrets?
will his seeking be cleared or rejected as always?
but then again, why him? he made no faults.
he gave his best as he always had, so why?
why should Kishi be the one that yet again try?
though many have done more and better, kishi remains true to himself.
that's only cause he is clear of his conscious.
how many actually knows about it? how many actually cares?
lonely should kishi be? loves he is at now, but time seems to be torturing.
retribution or fate? luck or destiny? kishi, lost in transition.

i hate myself for being this. i hate myself for failing. i hate myself for not being able to do anymore. i hate myself for making empty promises. i ahte myself for so many things. who can help me at all? this is not me turning desperation, im not having a depression, im not flaring or breaking, the volcano still stays asleep. i just regret. i just hate. i just remorse, i just feed bad. sorry seems to be the hardest word. but love is the only things that consoles me. love seem to still make me think of less. but time is torturing.. retirbution faces me? i hope not.. i seriously hope not.. i hate my past.. i hate my actions.. i hate so many.. but can love still be proper? with so much hatred stored in me.. so much secrets in me.. so much thoughts and opinions.. so much.. so god damn much.. lying on the verge of tears.. why? why am i thinking so much now... blogging nv helps.. it kills...
Stargirl: you make things so much better with you by my side. i need a hug now.. can i? i will never keep anything from you. i will never be bad to you. i promise my love is real and true. i promise my life to keep that promise. you are so much to me. i need you so much. i love you even more. i miss you so damn much again. what can i do? what can i do? vien.. can u show me eternity?.... im feeling so lost.. i wish you are here now.. i wish to tell u all..